Groton Hill Music Center Board of Directors Retreat Keynote

This is kind of nice! I never get the opportunity to get to know the audience like this before I give a talk. And no matter how practiced or rehearsed I am, hoping up on stage in front of a lot of strangers is always nerve racking. I used to think it was just me - that I couldn’t control the fear. But the more I spoke with performers, it turns out that it's everyone. This is a MUCH nicer way of doing things. And in this beautiful room - with this great setting. It couldn't be any better.  

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So!!! I’ve had the pleasure of getting to hear you all tell your stories — I’ve been able to hear your thoughts on engagement, I’ve been able to listen to your favorite musical pieces, and I’ve gotten to learn about what motivates you. So it’s only fitting that I return the favor and share a bit more about me.

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Which is funny because I actually never introduce myself. I usually just sort of start like a Tyson fight — going right in and letting everyone just sort of catch up. But since the whole point of this talk is about sharing and connecting — I figure now might be a good time to try something different. A chance to make deeper and more meaningful bonds since you all have been brave enough and generous enough to share in front of me all day.

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I’m a pro audio guy through and through but my first and true love is flowers. I used to own and run a wholesale nursery and landscape installation company back in Las Vegas  but I thought that I could make more money in music than I could digging holes in the desert. Anyways. I crossed paths with the guy who helped commercialize in-ear monitors — you know - those things that look like hearing aids that you see whenever you watch live music. And as luck would have it, I was sort of right there with a front row seat for the GLOBAL HEADPHONE revolution.

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(1:30)

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There’s a direct line that you can trace from that work that I did on stage to those ubiquitous white earbuds that you see everywhere. And throughout all of this, I got pretty good at product placement and I got REALLY GOOD at learning how to play the favor game.

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In the early days, I would take buyers from Apple and Best Buy to shows and let them watch from side stage — listening to their favorite artist’s monitor mixes. And along the way, I really started thinking about human nature and what it takes to put deals together. And I started realizing that my everyday reality was everyone else’s impossible. I was pulling off things that no one could even begin to imagine. But it was easy. I was just asking the right people for easy things that were right in their wheelhouse…. Here I was taking some of the most powerful people in the industry backstage to meet their favorite pop stars. And that really got me thinking about how things get done. I wasn’t going through layers of managers. I was going right to the source. Right to the decision makers. And this really got me thinking about teamwork. And collaboration. And impact.

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And of course there’s that old adage that it’s not what you know - but who you know. And while that’s 100% true - I’d argue that its much more nuanced. Yes. Of course it’s about who you know. But how you know them is equally critical. The degree of the relationship matters. That’s the KEY that I had accidentally stumbled into. That’s the part that was enabling my success.

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(3:00)

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Well…. From there. Our little headphone company got acquired by Logitech. And I became part of a global multinational team. But the best part — the best - was that I got exposed to a whole new world. It must have been like the first week that I was there, that they had Jackie Joyner-Kersee - the former Olympian give a keynote talk to all the employees. And I remember walking out of the meeting feeling like I had hit the lottery. I couldn’t believe that that was my life. That I was getting paid to take advice from Olympians.

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I remember going outside and hopping on a work call. A friend who runs sound for America’s Got Talent needed something. And when I told him what I had just seen, he was like — you should do that. You should talk. You should share all the things you’ve learned about What Entertainers Can Teach Executives and Why Nobody Likes Networking.

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And I’ve been on that kick ever since.

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And here’s the thing. At first. When I tried to really think about everything that I’d learned and everything that I had seen and done. I didn’t know what to write or talk about. I just figured that I knew how to eat and drink.

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But the more that I really distilled down the essence — and the more that I started to codify it - to put it in writing. To build it into a process that could be taught and replicated - 2 profound things happened.

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The first is that I realized that I could teach anyone how to be comfortable in any social situation — that I could teach people how to socially navigate. How to defuse all that awkward tension… I realized that EFFECTIVE & AUTHENTIC NETWORKING WAS A SKILL THAT COULD BE TAUGHT.  

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(4:30)

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I started with my own internal teams. And I watched them rapidly level up and exponentially improve. Then I started teaching others — strangers through workshops — and I saw their lives drastically improve. And when I’d give keynotes, I’d see the same people coming back year after year just because they wanted to thank me and to share some of their wins and successes. Which was mind blowingly awesome!

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But more than anything else — and this part was unexpected —  but as I really began to deconstruct all of this. I GOT BETTER. Not like a little better. Like Matrix-style better.

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And not to brag - but at this point in my career, I feel like Steph Curry throwing up three’s from anywhere and everywhere. Pop. Pop. Pop. Whatever I shoot goes right in. It’s like from doing the work, I’ve just unlocked it.

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At this point, the only thing that is stopping me is my limited imagination and ability to dream bigger. My placements are just silly. Companies pay me just to have my name associated with their brands. And I’m putting together a movie on the history of in-ear monitors and I’ve got everyone and everybody attached to it. The engineers from U2, Kendric Lamar, Miley Cyruss. It’s silly. I even got an exclusive with the academy award winner Billy Bob Thornton and when I first started filming, I cold called Steve Wozniack and had him come out to the shoot for a private session. Only I had him help as the boom operator. Can you imagine the surprise on everyone’s face when they sat down. Like… Ummmmm. that mic operator looks like Woz….

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(6:00)

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But more than anything. I simply love talking about this subject matter because I believe that building relationships and deepening connections is not just critical for success in business — but the key to a happy full joyous life.

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Your ability to authentically network is the single most important variable that you can control in your life. It dictates how happy and how successful you will be.

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But you all intuitively know all of this already.

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NONE OF YOU would not have risen to the positions that you hold if you DIDN”T FUNDAMENTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT NETWORKING IS ABOUT GIVING AND SERVICE.

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Your natural tendency is to create value. That’s why you all are here. This is your way of giving back.

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And by the end of THIS WORKSHOP _ you will feel more comfortable to bring more even people into the fold. You’ll feel more comfortable working a room. You’ll feel more comfortable as ambassadors sharing all the wins that you create right heere.

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6:45

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WOW!! That feels nice to share. I would not have been so open or vulnerable if I had just walked in here for the talk. Getting to spend time with everyone today helped me feel much more comfortable. Thank you.

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Normally I’m actually an incredibly private and guarded person. And that like all humans — I don’t like being put on the spot or having to share with strangers.  Which is funny given what I do professionally. But this is work. This is my job. This is how I make my living. And this is a skill that can be taught and practiced.

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If this was JUST me being me — then I’d probably be in some old nasty jeans with flip flops cracking some off-color jokes talking about whiskey, cigars AND horse racing. Which IRONICALLY  — is exactly how I ended up here.

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See — I’ve known Dave for over 10 years now and while I can’t precisely remember how we met, I am 100% sure that it had something to do with me running my lip at one of the big audio trade shows. And lucky for me, like attracts like and we found a lot of common overlaps. And over time, those overlaps turned into a deep and genuine friendship. Dave was there when my kid graduated from conservatory in Boston. And I’ve had the pleasure of joining him for one of his legendary cookouts at his place. We’ve shared ups and downs. Hopes and dreams. Hits and misses. And that’s life.

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Now. We can be grownups about this and call it Networking. Right? We met through work associates. We ran in the same circles. We were both upwardly mobile professionals. I’ve opened a few doors for Dave and he’s opened many more for me.

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Or we can be honest about this and just call it what it is. Making friends. And it turns out that making friends as an adult is hard — very hard — for a number of very silly reasons. That we’ll cover and debunk as this talk progresses and unfolds.

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But first. I want to talk about music!! That’s the thread that binds us all and why we’re all here. And I didn’t get to play earlier…

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I LOVE live music. All forms of LIVE MUSIC. Because I love seeing mastery in action.

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I love proficiency. Focus. Dedication. Determination. Practice. Rehearsal. Failure and GRIT — honed and turned into art as expression.

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I just got to see Jack White perform down at the Roadrunner in Boston and I can’t stop thinking about the show. It was so good that I dreamt of ways to bring it up here.

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The SHOW WAS ALIVE!

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AND IT  WAS absolutely ridiculously INSPIRING.

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JACK WHITE was his guitar. Or maybe his guitar was HIM!

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Doesn’t really matter because at that level both statements are true.

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And the band was a complete extension of them both. They were so tight - so locked - that they were a singularity.

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It was a collective vision.

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And that vision was so powerful and real and honest and true that it included the audience — just as much as it included the musicians and backline technicians working behind the scenes to make the show possible.

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There was no separation. We were all one.

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That vision was so inclusive and so well constructed that we were all part of the same experience. The same journey.

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To me. That’s art. That’s mastery. That’s cohesion!

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TURNS OUT — that’s also COMMUNITY.

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See. ART is one of the fastest ways to break down barriers.

TALENT that shines so brightly is one of the best tools to break down perceived walls and boundaries.

Things that are so real - so tangible - so full of life & love —  that’s how you draw people in.

And kindness and generosity. That’s how you get people to stay and feel comfortable. And at home!

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And that’s what you have right here!!!

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That’s what you all have built and enabled.

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Through Lisa’s guidance and through your stewardship, you all have created this absolute hit factory!

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Look at your numbers. Pick any metric. You are winning! On every level.

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But rather than focusing on concerts given - or attendance - or lessons taught.

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I WANT TO FOCUS ON VOLUNTEER INVOLVEMENT.

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Because really. That includes you all! .

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And I got to hear the your WHY’s - why you all do what you do and why you care! Why you show up! Right! (NAME AN EXAMPLE)

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But I’m a Vegas boy born and bred so I’ll throw down a wager that DING DING DING - SURVEY SAYS — your Why’s and your volunteer staff’s WHYs are exactly that same.

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It is about giving back.

It is about helping.

But more than anything — it’s about being PART OF SOMETHING.

It’s about BELONGING.

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And that feeling!

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That’s not an accident. This is not haphazard. And it doesn’t just happen. Things don’t just magically gel because you build a beautiful space.

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NO. To make community - to make a place that draws people in - there is purpose behind this. There is LOVE behind this.

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There is the idea of welcoming and inviting - of being the consummate host. Which by the way only thing that matters when it comes to networking.

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Professionally - besides for speaking about What Entertainers Can Teach Executives and Why Nobody Likes Networking, I have spent my adult professional career working at the intersection of Live Sound and Consumer Electronics. I was there at the start of the global headphone revolution and there’s a direct line between the work that I helped enable on stage with your favorite musicians to those ubiquitous white earbuds that you see everywhere.

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I had always joked that I should have been drinking less and filming more — capturing footage of all the wild and crazy characters who built / designed/ tested the core technology on the biggest global stages. All the people and stories that made all this possible.

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And so recently — it’s never really too late is it — i started to film all the stories and piece together all the timelines. I even had Steve Wozniack come in and sit for a private filming of it all…

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But what does any of this have to do with the larger topic at hand? Well…. Everything. Because like I said at first. There’s a part of me that loves being in the mix and being out and about. And there’s another part of me who would be just as happy at home doing a puzzle.

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There is that constant struggle that we all must balance between the personal and the professional - between the external and the internal. And those lines are blurry the higher up - the more responsibilities….

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Me dealing with a lot of big personalities who would make me very nervous…. I’d come off like a put

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It’s that same vision. That same intentionality. That same mastery that your top performers exude.

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This place is as alive as Jack White’s guitar. And each of you helped create and enable that.

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This idea of relationships evolving over time is a theme that will come up over and over tonight.

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EXERCISE ORDER & FLOW

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Quick assessment of WHO YOU KNOW - First 50 people that come to mind. Rank the relationship between 0-5

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WHO YOU ARE - Things that make you you.

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Notice in your assessed rankings the common overlaps –

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MAPS

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POINTS TO COVER - SHARING WINS - Sharing and amplifying what is happening here.

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WORK IN BITS TO MAKE PEOPLE COMFORTABLE WHEN WORKING THE ROOM

Everybody is uncomfortable and everybody is anxious and everybody is at the event for the same exact reason, to meet new people, to be seen and to see. And so if we take the opportunity to think that networking is a team sport, it takes two to dance, I'm going to take the lead and I'm going to initiate simple wave a nod, a hello, how's your show going? Can I help you with anything? Goes a really long way. Number three, I speak genuinely and authentically. I learned this a long time ago. Trying to talk about things that I don't care about goes absolutely nowhere. I know that common convention says, Hey, in networking, talk to somebody about their kid or their baby or their car, or whatever you think that it is that they like, but that's phony and that doesn't make any real difference and doesn't really build any connections or any bonds. So I just talk about things I care about, right? And my job is to try to find things that we both care about where we have common overlaps and that way we can turbocharge the relationship and really start sharing in a meaningful way and laughing and it's much more memorable that way. And that leads into number four. And this is my really big trick here, and bear with me because I don't often share this one, but I am happy to share it here.

(15:43):

If we know that networking is a team sport and that it's my job to make people feel comfortable, and it's my job to take the lead. And if we also know, and if I'm being honest by nature, I'm a fairly shy person. I don't really like putting myself out there smiling, waving, saying hello to everybody. I don't think anybody's really wired or bolted that way. It's a mindset. So the way that I make myself feel comfortable and the way that I just don't feel so silly standing there hoping, waiting, praying for an opportunity. I treat everybody that I meet. I already know them and not just a little bit. I treat everybody like I know them for a very long time. They're one of my childhood best friends. What this does is this puts me at ease. It deescalates all the social posturing, it deescalates all the social anxiety that I feel instead of trying to show off or be cool or meet somebody new, I'm just hanging out with somebody that I've known for years.

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• AND I’m SO BIG ON DOING THIS EXERCISE THAT I’m BEGGING YOU ALL TO DO IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  
  
  • Think about the things that make you uniquely you. What are the things that you love? The things that you always come back to throughout your life?
  • Write them all down. But get a big piece of paper. You’re complicated and you’ve got a lot of facets.

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• If anyone wants a little help or practice with this, give me a call and try to talk to me about cars. I could care less about cars. Mine is black. I promise that this will be one of the most boring and awkward conversations that you’ll ever have.  
  
  • On the other hand, if anyone wants to talk about cactus or getting whooped at Dominoes. We can go on for days.

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• Now Once you’ve got your mindmap — your DNA fingerprint — just sit on it for a bit and try to find the overlap in your interactions.  
  
  • Ease into it.

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• When you run across an article or an object that you like — think about who you can share it with.

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• THAT’S A GREAT WAY TO INCREASE ENERGETIC BONDS

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ENERGETIC BOND BIT

• Energetic bonds are the next thing that we need to talk about if you’re going to implement this within your organization.
• An energetic bond is the degree of shared overlaps and experiences.  
  
  • The number of touches
  • Or MORE BROADLY speaking — the DEGREE OF THE RELATIONSHIP
• Like we said before: Life is about who you know. But it’s also about how well you know them.  
  
  • Well. The energetic BOND QUANTIFIES the HOW WELL part of the equation.
• IT’S A SCALE. Complete strangers are a ZERO while close friends and family are at a FIVE
  
  • People who you read about in a trade magazine and want to meet someday. ZERO
  • People who you casually met once or twice — people who you’ve traded business cards with — That ONE. *** You don’t call on your ones for favors unless your off
  • People who know your name and know a little about you. 2 Twos are casual. We’ve got a lot of 2’s.
  • To bump up to a 3. You need familiarity. You have to have a lot of interactions. A lot of touches. The thing is, the touches don’t even need to be positive. Just familiar. Like NEWMANN. That dude you bump into every morning might just be your 3.
  • 4’s are people who’s company you truly enjoy. People you really like.
  • And 5’s. That’s your inner circle.
• Think of it like a game. The goal is to turn contacts into friendships and then friendships into relationships.
  
  • Invest in this strategy and what’s the worst that can happen? You broaden your horizons and deepen your relationships? Life’s easier with a lot of friends. Friends are the key to your success!
• But why am I bringing this up in the business portion of the talk?
  
  • BECAUSE IF YOU ONLY HAVE A FEW WEEK RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR PARTNERS OR CUSTOMERS — Those will be your competitors partners and customers down the road.  
    
    • This is a given and if your organization doesn’t put value or understand this — then you deserve to lose those relationships.
• NOTHING IS STATIC
  
  • People move on
  • People die.
  • Decision makers go to different companies.
  • AND WEEK RELATIONSHIPS or RELATIONSHIPS WITH ONLY ONE POINT OF CONTACT DISINTEGRATE

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Just talking about these concepts with your team gives them permission to build opportunities.

• Build is the wrong word really. Spot is a better phrase. There are NO SHORTAGE of OPPRTUNITIES. There is just often a failure of connecting the dots and being able to pick out the gems from the noise.
• Don’t believe me. Try this out.  
  
  • Go back through your team’s customer service emails for the last 60 days and scan for company email addresses and email signatures. I guarantee you will find huge wins sitting right there that no one capitalized on. I guarantee that you will find emails attached to organztons that you want to work with. That there were signutres of people whom you’ve wanted to know.
• So why’d they get missed? Because your team is focusing on tasks and projects without full context of how those tasks and projects fit into the full ecosystem.  
  
  • Nor do they know the landscape of Who’s Who and how everyone is inter-related.
• In a sense. It’s like you’re trying to build a puzzle but you’ve just got the pieces. You don’t have the photo on the box.
  
  • Each piece is without context or relation.
  • Knowing how all the pieces fit together is what this is all about.
    
    • And I get it. We like to call that tribal knowledge. But why would you ever let one or 2 people be the gatekeepers when this should be fundamental to everyone?  
• And I know that I’ve used a lot of Sales & Marketing terms, But everything that I’ve just talked about applies to the supply side of things. To all your vendor relationships. To all your partnerships and contractors.
• When you begin to make Networking a company value. You are committing to clarity. To following established trade routes through known mapped territories. And that’s so much easier and more profitable than just hoping to get lucky.

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THIS IS WHY I DID THE CULLING EXCERCISE TODAY. THIS IS IT

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The detail’s in the execution. I affectionately call this “The Art of Being Everywhere All At Once,” and when I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all and not-so-affectionate, I simply refer to this process as “Stacking Wins and Herding Cats.”

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Here are my five simple steps for growth — for anybody or for anything.

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STEP 1: CRITICALLY AND BRUTALLY ASSESS WHERE YOU ACTUALLY ARE RIGHT NOW

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This step is rough and not for the faint of heart. We all want to be bigger, better, stronger, more powerful, more relevant than we really are. So we seek out counsel from the people we know who are going to blow smoke and fluff us up. And that’s unfortunate because if we start from a foundation of misalignment, the rest of this process won’t work. If we can’t start with reality, then we don’t have the heart to commit to the actual amount of work that growth takes. And we’re telegraphing to everyone else that we prefer to pay for shortcuts and false-promises rather than rolling up our sleeves. Not taking proper stock screams that we’re not willing to do the work ourselves and yet we still expect strangers to come and do the lift for us. That never works!

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So just be honest and really think about your place, your standing, and your resources. Think about this holistically and at every level; where are you now? Who are your partners, how are your sales, how’s your global presence, and how are you and your offerings perceived in the market compared to everyone else? Then think about the tools that you have available to employ on the road to growing into what you want to become.

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TAKE AN INVENTORY OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO WANT TO HELP

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At every stage of growth, there are people who have helped you achieve your level of success. These people are your true assets and unless your culture treats them as such, then you will be on a perpetual treadmill always paying for new friends, new help, new sales, and new growth. If you truly want to be everywhere all at once, then you need an army of people helping you create wins and amplifying your successes. So start with the team that you already have in place and expand from there. And I use the word team liberally and in the largest context. Your team is everyone who cares about your well-being — everyone who wants to see you grow and flourish. Celebrate them. Communicate with them. Enable them and give them the tools to help you achieve all your goals. And then… then you need to allow and empower your people to bring their friends and their teams into the fold. Your job becomes focused on welcoming and inviting and setting the stage for the party of strangers who will show up to help. You need to make sure that you make it worth peoples’ time to want to help and support you. So really think about how you are going to do that. It matters. A lot.

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BUILD A CULTURE THAT CONNECTS NEW FRIENDS WITH NEW OPPORTUNITIES

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To be everywhere all at once, you need to dominate the airwaves and the zeitgeist. You need earned media (reviews of your products and services,) you need paid media (placements, ads, etc…) but more than anything, you need word of mouth free-media. That’s direct one-to-one personal stories and recommendations coming from the people who interact with your products and services. And this is where the real work comes into play.  Because for true growth to happen, people have to talk positively about what you do and what you offer and to share their wonderful experiences with your products, services, and brand. But for people to actually want to talk about what you do and offer, you need to figure out how to go above and beyond just your services. You need to figure out how to be flawless in every action and interaction and you need to find real reasons to keep people engaged and wanting to help. There is never a shortage of opportunities and there is never a shortage of people willing to help if you are willing to do the work and to create those real bonds of engagement and those true experiences. But this doesn’t scale and it can’t be automated. This has to stem from your internal culture and from your people. This is where you must invest and where you must inspire your team to perform. If not, you will never grow past the beginnings of that previous stage. You will be stuck on that treadmill running flat out just to slowly lose ground.

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CREATE THE WINS. STACK THE WINS.

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When you invest in your culture and in your team and when you build processes that help you go above and beyond for your customers and fans, people will notice and there will be wins. Your products will get mentioned more often. They will be used more often. They will be visible more often. They will be sold more often. And they will be shared and reviewed more often. You create mass. You create gravity.

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I like to think about this phase of growth like a dance party. It’s hard to get it all started but once it’s going, it builds its own momentum. No one wants to be the first one out on the dance floor — all alone with all eyes on them. And as hard as that is, being the second one out there is even harder. (The first one is always drunk or crazy. It’s the second one who’s really going out on a limb vouching for it.) But the minute the third person hits the floor, then it’s safe enough for everyone else to hop on and that party keeps going until the needle skips or until the DJ misreads the room and throws on a dud. Business and branding are exactly the same. One win begets two more wins. Two wins beget four. Four should beget more but by that point in time someone on the team usually throws a wrench into your game. Try very hard to avoid doing that for as long as possible. You don’t get too many chances to keep the party going.

AMPLIFY THE WINS INTO THE VOID

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Now here’s the best part. Just because it feels like you’re winning in your echo chamber and just because you’ve built a bit of momentum, it’s easy to go back to myth making and to believing that anyone cares at all or that you’ve made an impact. You haven’t. You are still right back where you started from. There is just simply too much noise and distraction to compete with. There is always something new and shiny. Always someone doing what you do cheaper. Or better. And there are still an infinite amount of people who have no idea who you are, what you do, or who simply do not care. Your job is to not be discouraged by that fact. And you have to remind yourself to not believe your own hype or to think that what you’ve already accomplished has mattered at all. And you must find the grace and humility in this because you are going to have to keep doing this over and over again. And you are going to need to remind your internal team and bosses that no one cares an equal number of times. That’s the job and you can’t be discouraged by that. Because if those simple facts get you down, you’ll never have the fortitude to do what comes next. And this is the part that really matters.

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As you are growing your brand and reaching out to build new opportunities and to bank new wins, most people will not get back to you. And when I say most, I mean (almost) no one will get back to you. Which is normal. You can’t take that personally. But every time that you have a win worth sharing, make it a point to circle back and to simply keep them in the loop. It doesn’t matter that they’ve never responded to you. Just keep having an ongoing one-sided conversation with that open email thread. Don’t hound them. Don’t spam them. Just simply keep amplifying your wins and moving all your checker pieces forward. Some might even say that I simply create wins in order to amplify them.

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