Songs on the Bayou Keynote: Relationships Not Transactions - Networking for Those Who Don't Like to Network

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Governing Thesis: Networking is not sleazy transactional skill requiring innate charisma but systematic practice of making friends, showing up consistently, and focusing on what you give rather than what you take—and it represents the single most controllable action you can take to affect your career trajectory because success happens through cause-and-effect amplified over time, not through lucky lottery tickets or overnight breakthroughs.
Strategic Key Takeaway: This appearance matters because it captures the precise moment when Mike Dias transformed fifteen years of implicit networking expertise—developed through improbable journey from plant nursery owner to Ultimate Ears insider to Logitech executive—into explicit systematic framework he could teach others, marking the origin keynote for what would become his professional speaking career and the foundational articulation of Relationship Economy principles that would govern all future Dias OS development. The Songs on the Bayou keynote represented Mike's public declaration on the exact day his corporate retainer ended that he'd accidentally built expertise worth systematizing, that the same principles enabling his backstage access to Van Halen monitor mixes and Apple executive side-stage experiences could help struggling songwriters build relationship infrastructure required for sustainable creative careers. The appearance reveals core Dias OS truth that networking's negative associations—the fakeness, the phoniness, the sleazy pushiness that makes nobody like it—stem from transactional mindset where people treat connections as tools for extracting favors rather than understanding networking as authentic practice of making friends, showing up consistently, and focusing on what you give instead of what you take. Mike's willingness to open his inaugural paid keynote not with polished success narrative but with vulnerable Tourlink failure story—waiting in basement room for audience that never came, sulking instead of networking, leaving entire event without meeting anyone—modeled the failure acceptance he was teaching and gave creative professionals permission to experience inevitable disappointment without abandoning commitment to persistent showing up that ultimately matters more than any single win or loss. The three ground rules Mike established—failure is inevitable so make peace with it, this takes a long time so settle in for decades, you must network because it's single most controllable action affecting career trajectory—would become constitutional principles governing not just this talk but all future Dias methodology, replacing motivational speaker optimism with pragmatic realism that acknowledges hard truths while providing concrete systematic practice for navigating them. The conversation also preserved canonical stories and frameworks that would recur across Mike's entire speaking career: the flowers-to-celebrity-ear-wax origin demonstrating that saying yes and showing up creates improbable opportunities credentials never could, the Max Beckmann 34-year self-portrait evolution proving mastery requires lifetime commitment not shortcuts, Dr. Andy Walsh's olympian insight that great ball players must be great humans across all life dimensions, and the puzzle-without-box-photo metaphor explaining how networking knowledge transforms disconnected pieces into coherent maps showing how everyone interconnects. This keynote matters ten to twenty years from now because it documents the exact frameworks Mike would refine and deploy across hundreds of subsequent speaking engagements—the three-phase methodology of pre-show homework researching attendees and reaching out, showing up treating strangers like childhood friends, time-sensitive follow-up fulfilling commitments that most people never keep—giving creative professionals replicable system for converting vague advice to "just network" into concrete daily practice. Most importantly, the appearance validated that networking is teachable skill not innate gift, that Mike himself spent fifteen years developing comfort with strangers through systematic practice, and that the foundational principle governing all relationship-building is understanding it's not just who you know but how you know them because degree of relationship determines what becomes possible—that contacts are merely flower buds with potential while friendships require consistent nurturing through showing up, keeping commitments, closing loops, and building connection infrastructure that compounds over decades into career-changing network of people who will open doors, make introductions, and show up when opportunities arise.
Operational Frameworks: The Three Ground Rules for Sustainable Creative Careers acknowledge that failure is inevitable and you will experience much more failure than success along with rejection, doubt, frustration, sadness, disappointment, and despair requiring you to make peace with this reality and not let it affect your passion and creativity; that this is going to take a long time measured in decades not years so you need to settle in, get comfortable, remove pressure from equation, be realistic with yourself and loved ones, control financial burn rate, avoid unrealistic deadlines and ultimatums, and understand you're in this for long game where little successes add up over time like growing a forest; and that you must network because it represents the single most controllable action you can take to affect your career trajectory, making it non-negotiable infrastructure not optional luxury for building sustainable creative career. The Degree of Relationship Framework establishes that it's not just who you know but how you know them—that the little things matter including collective experiences and bonds, shared stories and memories—because contacts are merely possibilities like flower buds with potential while friendships require consistent nurturing through showing up, keeping commitments, and building connection infrastructure that determines what becomes possible when opportunities arise. The Three-Phase Networking Methodology provides systematic practice replacing vague advice to "just network" with concrete actions: pre-show homework researching event to identify who will be there including speakers and vendors, reaching out to people you recognize saying you look forward to catching up, making list of people to see and referring back to it to ensure you actually meet not just talk about it, fitting in times for coffee breakfast dinner drinks whatever it takes, making notes about interesting people you don't know but would like to meet and thinking about why you'd like to meet them and what you'd like to accomplish with their help then reaching out mentioning you'll be at event and appreciate their work and will stop over to introduce yourself; showing up with smile treating new people like childhood friends to make them feel comfortable, speaking genuinely and authentically about things you actually care about, dressing appropriately because first impressions matter, not being negative or spreading negativity, being interesting and interested which means genuinely listening, being grateful to be where you are, not asking what someone does when you just met them, keeping notebook to jot down commitments which are any explicit or implicit promises made; and time-sensitive follow-up ideally same day which is pro move, filing the contact with name number email company and event origin, shooting them email keeping it light and simple letting them know you enjoyed time spent and looking forward to crossing paths again, wrapping up any commitments made, making introductions in separate emails if promised, and building trigger or reminder to follow up at vaguely distant future date just to check in and say hi creating excuse to move relationship forward. The Contacts Versus Relationships Distinction teaches that contacts aren't relationships or friendships but just possibilities, that gathering contacts through pre-show work showing up and following up isn't yet networking, that networking happens when you turn contacts into friendships by stopping thinking selfishly, letting go of idea that networking is about someone helping you or changing your life, and realizing networking is about what you bring to equation and what you offer others focusing on what you give not what you take. The Puzzle-Without-Box-Photo Metaphor explains that most of your life you're dealing with your own little puzzle piece right in front of you but with more experience you start seeing how little pieces fit together forming small landscape sections, that over time you fill in outlines then details, that starting anything new means you're in dark in uncharted waters requiring you to step back and orient yourself getting compass headings, that knowing where you are won't change where you are but gives vantage point to figure out where you want to head next, that meeting new people helps you build your map, your map helps you learn how to navigate, and how well you navigate determines how busy and successful you'll be. The Authentic Conversation Framework teaches that trying to talk about things you don't care about goes absolutely nowhere, that common convention saying talk about their kids or cars or whatever you think they like is phony and doesn't build real connections or bonds, that talking only about things you're genuinely interested in and already passionate about then looking for overlap and doubling down where you share interests turbocharges relationships and creates memorable meaningful exchanges, and that focusing on things that make you uniquely you while being authentically yourself enables making genuine connections that lead to real friendships over time. The Cause-and-Effect Amplified Model holds that Mike doesn't believe things just happen or in coincidence but believes in cause and effect amplified over time and space, that simple act of showing up anywhere sets whole universe of possibilities into motion, that showing up to festival or gathering of like minds and shared interests is hotbed for opportunity where you never know who you'll run into in coffee line or elevator, and that the inevitability comes from understanding A leads to B leads to C leads to D—you go to festival, meet person you think will give you big break, it turns out to be bunk like most things, but while pursuing it you accidentally meet someone who really does open new door demonstrating that persistent action compounds into career-changing outcomes even when individual attempts fail. The Business Card Exchange Protocol clarifies that having someone's card doesn't make you friends, having someone's card doesn't mean you can call and ask for something, a card is simply efficient means of transmitting contact data, you don't grab card when someone tells you what they do if your only intent is for them to help you, and the only reason to exchange cards is so you can follow up which is time-sensitive and matters for multiple reasons—no one ever follows up so doing it makes you stand out, no one ever keeps commitments so making good on your word makes real impression, talk is easy but follow-up is the work, and when you follow up you telegraph that you respect yourself and the other person and respect the time spent while closing the loop and setting stage for what comes next.
Lived Expertise (Stories): Mike shared that he recently read his notes on flight to Louisiana and guy next to him read over his shoulder, told Mike he did networking too, then held Mike captive trying to sell multi-level marketing stuff the whole flight—perfect example of bad networking demonstrating exactly why nobody likes it when it's sleazy and pushy. He revealed his six-year-old daughter's articulation after first harp recital perfectly captured how everyone feels performing: "When I got up there I felt like I was breaking into a thousand pieces, but I kept on going," demonstrating the bravery inherent in sheer act of creation especially in face of failure. Mike disclosed he's fanatical about following up because no one ever follows up so if you want to make impression do it and stand out, and no one ever keeps their commitments so if you really want to make impression don't just follow up but do what you said you were going to do and make good on your word—explaining that talk is easy but follow-up is the work, and when you follow up you telegraph that you respect yourself and the other person, respect the time spent, close the loop, and set stage for what comes next. He shared story of being friendly with The Killers' manager who asked for stack of Mike's business cards which he placed in front right pocket, and throughout the night whenever anyone found out what manager did for work they instantly asked for free stuff and wanted to send their CDs—manager's response was always same, giving them Mike's card saying "sure, call me," doing this joke in every city all over the world popping into nail salons stocking up on cards for the night, dealing with everyone trying to use him while Mike got calls for months from people thinking he was The Killers' manager. Mike emphasized he spends lot of time making mental plan of what successful show outcome looks like, forming intent and working toward it, comparing this to puzzle analogy where if you took 500-piece jigsaw out of box, put all pieces in brown paper bag and gave it to someone with nothing they could muddle through slowly, but it's lot easier when you have picture on box giving clue how all pieces fit together—which is essence of networking, knowing how all pieces fit together so you can navigate effectively. He revealed he stays up to date reading ProSound News, Mix, ProSound Europe, Music Inc., The Music & Sound Retailer, Worship AVL, Pro AVL Asia because each new issue is puzzle piece box showing who's who and who's related to whom, adding bits to his map, and whenever he sees announcements about old friends or casual acquaintances he reaches out to congratulate them because getting your name in print is big deal and acknowledging it is even bigger deal—admitting this is boring Friday night but also acknowledging it's work that takes time and effort that no one else can do for you. Mike shared he keeps notebook and pencil in pocket to jot down notes after each conversation, making point of writing down commitments which are any explicit or implicit promises made to yourself or someone else—if you mention great jambalaya recipe and talking partner shows interest make note to send it when you follow up, if they mention they have great song for you write it down so you can politely remind them when you follow up, if you realize you can help because you know someone who offers exactly what they're looking for make note to introduce everyone creating win-win-win situation. He disclosed he was heading to Baton Rouge after festival to visit colleagues at PreSonus, finally getting tour of their new facilities and recording setup, emphasizing this opportunity didn't just happen but resulted from cause and effect amplified over time and space, and while he doesn't know what will come from visit—probably nothing, that part he can't control—he can guarantee they will laugh and eat and trade good stories and have good time, which part he can control.

Transcript Details

Show Name:

Relationships Not Transactions

Episode #:

Networking for Those Who Don't Like to Network

Context:

Mike Dias delivered his first paid keynote address at the Songs on the Bayou songwriter festival in Louisiana during summer 2019, hosted by Brigitte London. The timing was symbolically and practically significant: Mike gave this talk on the exact day his Logitech post-acquisition retainer officially ended, marking his formal transition from corporate executive to professional speaker. The event brought together songwriters, music industry professionals, and independent artists seeking to build sustainable careers in an increasingly fragmented music business. Brigitte positioned Mike's appearance as addressing the critical importance that networking plays in creative careers—acknowledging that attendees could be amazing performers or fantastic songwriters with business operations perfectly organized, but that success still ultimately boils down to who you know and how well you know them. The keynote was structured as interactive workshop combining personal narrative (Mike's journey from wholesale plant nursery owner to Ultimate Ears executive), strategic framework delivery (the three ground rules: failure is inevitable, this takes a long time, you must network), and practical exercises where attendees paired with strangers to share recent failures and practice uncomfortable vulnerability. Mike designed the talk to systematically dismantle the negative associations around networking—the fakeness, the phoniness, the sleazy pushiness—by reframing the entire practice as making friends, showing up consistently, and focusing on what you give rather than what you take. The session concluded with concrete actionable homework: help the stranger you met during the failure exercise, implement the pre-show research methodology for remaining festival days, and practice authentic conversation by doubling down on genuine shared interests rather than faking engagement with topics you don't care about.

About:

This keynote mattered because it represented the first time Mike Dias publicly codified fifteen years of networking practice—developed across his improbable journey from Las Vegas nursery owner to in-ear monitor industry insider to multinational corporation executive—into replicable methodology that creative professionals could systematically apply to build sustainable careers in environments where talent alone never guarantees success. The appearance preserved the exact moment when Mike's personal operating system transitioned from implicit knowledge guiding his own career to explicit framework he could teach others, marking the origin point of what would become his professional speaking career and the foundation of the Dias Networking OS.The talk mattered because it acknowledged hard truths that motivational speakers typically avoid: that failure is inevitable and will vastly outweigh success, that building meaningful careers takes decades not years, that the craft development journey mirrors Max Beckmann's 34-year evolution between self-portraits, and that olympian-level excellence in any domain requires being excellent human across all life dimensions—not just your primary skill. Mike's willingness to share his Tourlink basement failure—preparing meticulously for prestigious speaking slot, waiting in empty room, sulking instead of networking, leaving the entire event without meeting anyone—gave attendees permission to experience disappointment without letting it derail their commitment to showing up consistently and doing the work regardless of immediate outcomes.Most importantly, the keynote reframed networking from transactional skill that feels fake and manipulative into relational practice that feels authentic and generous. By emphasizing "it's not just who you know but how you know them," Mike introduced the foundational principle that degree of relationship determines what becomes possible—that contacts are merely flower buds with potential while friendships are cultivated gardens requiring consistent tending through pre-show homework, genuine showing up, and time-sensitive follow-up that respects commitments and closes loops. The three-phase framework (research who'll be at event and reach out beforehand, show up with smile and treat strangers like childhood friends, follow up same day with commitments fulfilled) gave songwriters and independent artists concrete methodology to replace the vague advice that "you need to network" with systematic practice they could implement immediately during remaining festival days.This conversation matters ten to twenty years from now because it documents the crystallization of the Relationship Economy operating principles that would govern all future Dias OS development: that networking is what you give not what you take, that contacts become relationships only through consistent nurturing over time, that reading trade publications and doing pre-show homework transforms puzzle pieces into coherent maps showing how everyone interconnects, that authentic conversation stems from doubling down on genuine shared interests rather than faking engagement with topics you don't care about, and that showing up consistently across decades while refusing to take defeat ultimately matters more than any single win or loss. The Songs on the Bayou keynote was Mike's public declaration that he'd spent fifteen years accidentally building expertise worth teaching, and that the same principles enabling backstage access to Van Halen monitor mixes and Apple executive side-stage experiences could help struggling songwriters build the relationship infrastructure required for sustainable creative careers.

Host / Guest:

Brigitte London

Mike Dias

@Type:

Industry Keynote

Source Material Link:

Date:

2019-06-30

Full Transcript Below

Word Count:

6949

Relationships not Transactions: Networking for those who don’t like to Network

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Mike Dias is a speaker, a writer, and a CRM consultant. He runs The Music Industry Insider. He’s the founder of Domo Audio and he worked for Logitech running Ultimate Ears — their in-ear monitoring division. He’s currently wrapping up his first book — Nobody Likes Networking.

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I asked Mike to be part of this conference because we often overlook the critical importance that networking plays in our careers. We can be amazing performers or fantastic songwriters — we can have all our business ducks in a row — but at the end of the day, it still boils down to who we know. If we’re going to build a healthy independent music business centered around creativity & authenticity, then we need to surround ourselves with the best people.

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If we’re going to participate in a new music business model,

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Thank you Brigitte. And a special thank you to your entire team for making this wonderful event possible. Let’s also take a moment to recognize the audio team who make this talk come to life. They’re the real experts, I’m just the window dressing.

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This is my first time in the bayou and I’m so excited to be here. Great food. Great people. Wonderful hospitality. Thank you for having me.

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And Welcome. Welcome to this talk.

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So this a talk about Networking and about how nobody really likes to network.

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I get it. It often feels fake, and smoozy. Kind of phony. Contrived. I mean come on — who likes wearing name tags & small talk? Worse yet — no one likes being sold to in a sleazy pushy way. Can you believe it— I was reviewing my notes on my flight over here and the guy next to me was reading over my shoulder. And he told me he did networking too - and for the rest of the flight - i was his captive audience. He tried to sell me his Multi Level Marketing stuff the whole time. What a wonderful example of bad networking! No wonder no one likes it.

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So instead of talking about Networking, let’s talk about showing up. About saying yes and seeing what happens.

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Let’s start with me. I’m a good example. My story’s about how my love for desert plants landed me a job dealing with celebrity ear wax.

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(1:10)

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I was a nut for desert trees and flowers. So much so that I started a wholesale plant nursery in my parent’s backyard. I ended up with thousands of plants and a pretty wonderful client base. One of my clients was a lawyer who introduced me to Mindy Harvey — one of the co-founders of Ultimate Ears.

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Long Story short, the lawyer had introduced me as someone who could help Ultimate Ears with their business plan. I’m not sure what gave him that idea — it surely wasn’t my qualifications - because I had none — Who knows! Maybe I had impressed him with my gardening flyers. But I totally went with it.

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At my first meeting with Mindy I was terrified. I felt like a total sham. Probably because I was.

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I really had no business being there. Which she clearly picked up on because she told me to relax and that most of her business meetings end up with someone sneaking off to the bathroom to shoot some heroin.

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That didn’t help.

I was 100% out of my element — but the pull of being part of the Music Industry was strong.

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We hit it off and she gave me the chance.

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Mindy introduced me to her husband Jerry Harvey, the famous monitor engineer who had just wrapped up tours with Van Hallen, KD Lang, Prince and Linkin Park.

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They were in the process of creating a revolutionary technology for stage monitoring — they made he first dual driver in ear that musicians actually wanted --- and I had a front row seat — and a hand — in watching it all unfold. I was there in one way or another as the company grew from the back of the tour bus to the kitchen table to taking on venture capital to eventually being acquired by Logitech, a giant Multinational Corporation.

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And through it all, I got to be part of pretty innovative and creative process — from business development & product introductions to marketing and global sales. And all the while, I was able to make friends with anyone and everyone in the business.

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This might sound like I just got really lucky. And I did. But it wasn’t all about luck. I said YES to every new opportunity that came my way when I easily could have said NO. And I did my best to show up for everything — no matter how crazy it seemed. I stayed open to possibilities.

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And through it all, I watched and paid close attention. I started to develop some very concrete ideas about people and relationships. About how things happen. About how things really get done.

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I noticed that many of the people I came up with started to have really impressive resumes. Over time, they all turned into world class touring engineers or backline techs or VP’s at musical instrument companies. But to me, they’re the same good people that used to crash on my couch. Only now, we do business together.

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Seemingly random acquaintances overtime have turned into great business relationships & lifelong family friends.

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It’s like they say:

Life really is about who you know. But it’s deeper than that. It’s not just who you know, it’s how you know them.

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SLIDE SWITCH

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The degree of the relationship matters. It’s the little things — the collective experiences and bonds. The shared stories and memories.. And showing up is the first step in building those connections.

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Networking is just another word for building relationships & making friends

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LIfe is easier with a lot of friends.

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Friends bring you opportunities.

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(4:20)

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______________________________________________________________________________

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Years ago, I ran into an old friend backstage. He was running production for the tour and after we caught up and traded stories, he invited me to speak at Tourlink.

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Ohhhhh — did I feel like a big shot. Because in my industry — Tourlink is the veritable Who’s Who in the professional touring world. Sure — My mom’s never heard of it but it’s like being at the Grammys for backline sound reinforcement. They give out awards for Best Tour Manager. Best Front of House Engineer. Best Monitor Engineer. Best Production Manager.

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And they had asked me to be there.

To give my talk about hearing protection.

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This was a big honor.

All my years of hard work & slogging & grinding and networking had

FINALLY

PAID

OFF.

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The day of the talk I was so excited.

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My wife and daughter wanted to show up and root for me — they wanted to be my cheerleading section.

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But I told them I was good. That I had it in the bag. That I’d see them later that night.

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______________________________________________________________________________

So I get to the venue.

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I was prepared. I knew my stuff. I was looking sharp.

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I check in.

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I find my room.

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IN THE BASEMENT

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And I waited.

And waited.

AND WAITED.

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And no one ever showed up.

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______________________________________________________________________________

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When I got home — my family asked how I did. & my daughter said it best.

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Well - if you hadn’t told us to scram, at least you would have had 2 people in the audience.

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The bummer was that wasn’t my first time presenting to an empty room.

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But I really thought it was going to be my last.

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______________________________________________________________________________

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See - I still hadn’t wrapped my head around failure.

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Slide change

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And I certainly hadn’t made peace with disappointment.

And I absolutely didn’t KNOW or ACCEPT that it was my JOB to give the best damn talk that I could — to deliver the best show possible — regardless if anyone was in the room or not.

Because that's how you get better.

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The part of the story that I didn’t mention was that while I was waiting, I was sulking.

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Until I couldn’t take it any longer.

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Until I got up and left.

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Not just my room.

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But the whole event.

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Without spending any time getting to know anyone there.

Without making any new friends

or saying hi to any old ones.

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What a waste of an entire trip.

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(6:49)

______________________________________________________________________________

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Look. What I do and what you do really aren’t that different.

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Speaking and making music are both forms of sharing — of giving — of storytelling.

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Of creating something with an audience.

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And let me state the obvious just in case anyone here is new to the Music Industry.

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WE’VE ALL CHOSEN THE HARD ROAD.

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There are certainly easier paths to take.

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When anyone asks me for career advice or asks for my opinion about how to get started in The Music Business, I suggest that they consider getting into insurance.

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Something a bit more stable and dependable.

Something a bit less nerve wracking.

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When my friend landed his first big gig with for GreenDay, the main guitar tech pulled him aside and told him to RUN NOW BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

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This path is not for the faint of heart.

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But it is fun. And meaningful. And impactful.

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We quite literally touch & move people.

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You are here because you’re artists. You’re creative thinkers. You’re out-of-box professionals

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So if we’re all to be successful in this venture — then we need to define a few ground rules right up front. We need a base that we can all start from.

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We need some structure and some frameworks.

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Really — we need a map to help us get from where we are now to where we want to end up.

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If you want to nurture success in your professional life, you need tools and a plan. And networking is a huge part of this.

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So let’s start with this. Here are my ground rules.

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Failure is inevitable
This is going to take a long time
The only way to move through this successfully is through networking

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This is what we’ll be speaking about for the rest of our time together. We’ll address #1 and #2 but we’ll spend the bulk of our time with #3 and we’ll focus on some skills that you’ll be able to put into effect for the rest of this show.

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— and just as a spoiler alert — No one ever accuses me of being an optimist.

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I don't promise the moon.

I don’t paint roses.

But I do share pragmatic and realistic tips that have worked for me and many others.

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Learning how to effectively and authentically network is not a get-rich quick scheme. It’s more like a slow & steady 401K plan.

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(9:02)

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______________________________________________________________________________

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Alright. Let’s start with #1

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FAILURE IS INEVITABLE

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You will experience much more failure than success. It’s coming for you.

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Along with rejection.

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And doubt.

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And frustration.

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Sadness. Disappointment. Despair.

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And somehow. Each of you in your own way needs to make peace with this and to NOT LET IT AFFECT YOUR PASSION AND CREATIVITY.

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You need to stay light. And be light. Even when all common sense dictates otherwise.

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It’s lousy. And it is what it is. This is the path you’re on so get used to it and accept it or you’ll never be able to move through it.

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It’s really easy to get stuck here. It’s really easy to look at this and give up before you even start.

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Before you even try.

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Or you smile and realize this is the part that makes you human and relatable.

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Check this out. Time to do an exercise.

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Find the closest stranger. Not the person you came here with. No cheating.

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Introduce yourself and share something about one of your most recent failures — no matter how big or small — it just has to be related to your craft where things didn’t turn out the way you had expected them to.

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And once you’re done — then be a good listener for your partner.

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We’re going to take 5 minutes to do this exercise so don’t ramble. Both of you need a turn. I’m going to set my timer now.

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And i’ll check back during the halfway mark.

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Don’t be shy — we’ve got an auditorium filled with this stuff. It still happens to the best of us.

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Alright. I bet no one enjoyed that. Talking with new people isn’t fun - especially when you’re forced to do it. But towards the end, it wasn’t as bad as you thought.

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Look, I don't want to dwell on this point much longer but not talking about failure gives it more teeth. Until we accept failure as inevitable, we still taking it personally rather than just simply part of the process.

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It’s just math.

Statistics & Probability.

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The odds are completely against us.

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For me, there’s a lot of comfort in that. And a lot of bravery too. The sheer act of creation is the definition of bravery. Especially in the face of failure.

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Switch slide courage

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My daughter plays the harp. And after her first recital, we asked her how she felt.

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She was only 6 but she articulated exactly how we all feel . She said — When I got up there, I felt like I was breaking into a thousand pieces. But I kept on going.”

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11:46 + 5 minute exercise = 16:46

______________________________________________________________________________

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Which brings us to #2 — Settling In.

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Once you accept that failure is inevitable and that what you want probably won’t happen in the ways that you want it to — then you can begin to control for the factors of failure.

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This phase is going to take time. A long time. You need to figure out how to get comfortable. You’re going to be here for awhile.

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You’re going to want to settle in and make friends along the way.

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Remove as much pressure from the equation as possible.

Be realistic with yourself and your loved ones. Control your financial burn rate and don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

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Do not give yourself unrealistic deadlines and ultimatums. It’s not going to happen this year. It probably won’t next year either. You’re in this for the long game. Little success will add up over time. It’s like growing a forest.

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Slide expresions

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I was recently in Germany for a product launch and after the press event, I went to the museum in Frankfurt because they had a fabulous collection from one of favorite painters, Max Beckman — I love the German Expressionists. The vibrant colors. The mood. The dark textures. Anyways, there I was, totally immersed in his works.

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In a small side gallery, they had one of his earliest paintings on display. It was a self-portrait from when he was only 21. Now this painting didn’t look anything at all like his art that I was familiar with.

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It was technically sound; a very stylistic copy of Cezanne or van Gogh’s.. It was proficient. But it was nothing like the paintings he’s famous for.

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It was nothing this.

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His self portrait 34 years later.

‍

34 years more of refining his work.

Of honing his craft.

Of owning his voice.

‍

34 more years of truly becoming Max Beckmann

‍

And it was right then and there in that little room that it hit me. It takes a lifetime to really get good. To truly become yourself. To really hit your groove.

‍

It takes decades. And there is nothing that you or I can do speed it up or to make it go faster.

‍

The only thing that we can do is to keep practicing. Keep creating.

‍

Keep rehearsing.

‍

Keep working.

‍

Keep refining.

‍

Keep sneaking up on becoming the best version of yourself.

‍

But it’s not just about the craft. We also need to

Work on our relationships.

Make more friends.

Practice the art of the good hang.

Are we easy and fun to be around?

Do we make people laugh and feel comfortable?

Do we celebrate our friends successes?

‍

We need to spend time

Working on our manners.

Getting deeper into our hobbies.

Following the things that make us uniquely us.

‍

Think about this. If we’re all going to be in this phase for a longtime and if there’s really not much we can do to speed it up or to get out of it, might as well relax a bit and take the time to enjoy it. To focus on the things that matter. To do the best we can — where we are.

‍

I had the chance to tag along on a business lunch with the performance coach, Dr. Andy Walsh last year. We were both working for Logitech at the time. I sold headphones to popstars. Dr. Walsh was an expert in the field of elite human performance — his specialty was working with Olympians and top performing athletes.

‍

We were at a nice sushi restaurant and I waited until we at least finished our soups before I started picking his brain. I had to know — what separates a great ball player from a top performing athlete? What makes one 6’7 human who practices for 10 hours a day more successful than another 6’7 human who also practices for 10 hours a day?

‍

And I’m paraphrasing but what I took away from our conversation is this. First of all, you have to love — truly love what you do. This matters simply because of the sheer amount of time and energy you put in. And of course your physical abilities and your relationship to practice matter — but so does everything else. Your talents can’t leapfrog the rest of your life.

‍

You can’t excel in one area while neglecting everything else. One skill can’t leave all the others behind. You inevitably will be held back by your weakest links.

‍

You have to have a grounded family & friendships.

You have to have healthy relationships. And a positive outlook.

You have to get good sleep. And proper nutrition.

You have to take care of yourself and those around you.

‍

To be a really great ball player, you have to be a really great human.

Damn. That one really hit home. On a few levels. I thought about all the really successful people that I know and how they aren’t just successful at one thing. How they are just successful — at everything they do. At life in general.

‍

And I realized that’s not a coincidence. That’s not an accident.

‍

Those people have structures in place that help build the framework for success. Those people have daily routines and rituals that ground and guide them.

‍

After leaving that lunch, I thought about my own structures and frameworks — and of where I put my attention and where I don’t

‍

Where my strengths are and where my big holes are — and I realized how much more work I still have to do.

‍

Good thing I’ve still got another 30 years or so to keep chipping away at it.

‍

To keep showing up and doing my best.

‍

And to keep failing and flailing.

‍

See — this phase is a game of endurance.

‍

And we have to stay in it to win it.

‍

____________________________________________________________________

‍

We have to put ourselves in the environment that fosters what we want to accomplish.

‍

We have to Show up and Suit up for Everything that comes our way.

‍

We have to be expansive and creative in applying our talents.

‍

If you are a singer, sing everywhere you can.

‍

Sing at church. Sing at weddings. Sing with any and every band.

‍

See — this isn’t just about singing or getting more experience singing. It’s about showing everyone around you your level of commitment. People need to equate you with your talents. People need to associate you with your wants.

‍

This is about you networking yourself as a singer — broadcasting that you show up and telegraphing that you are available.

‍

If you’re a guitarist, join a cover band. Form a tribute band. Just be out playing.

‍

My friend in Boston goes out to busk in the subway whenever he’s working out a new bit. He goes down there to practice.

‍

Slide practice

‍

He works on the same things that he’d be doing at home but he’s out interacting with new people daily. You just never know who you’re going to bump into.

‍

Do whatever it takes to be out and about & to get your name out there…..

‍

18:56 + 5 minutes = 23:56

______________________________________________________________________________

‍

Which brings us to #3. You have to Network.

‍

Look. Success is not just going to fall into your lap like a lucky lottery ticket.

‍

It’s going to happen slowly. Overtime.

‍

Because of the grind.

Because you refused to take defeat.

Because you kept showing up, making new friends, and working on the things that mattered.

‍

It’s going to happen because you took the time to come to an event like this.

‍

And to a talk like this.

‍

Let’s break this down. Let’s really break this down. This is the fun part.

‍

Why are we all here?

Today? In this room? At this event that Brigitte so graciously organized.?

‍

Of course we’re here for the food. The music. And the alligators.

‍

But really. We’re here to network.

‍

We’re here to meet people.

‍

And to be found.

‍

Even if we don’t want to admit it.

‍

Because let’s face it. Nobody likes networking.

‍

But it is the single most controllable action that you can take to affect your career trajectory.

‍

SLIDE networking

‍

I’m going to repeat that —

‍

Networking is the single most controllable action that you can take to affect your career trajectory.

‍

See. I’m a huge believer in cause and effect.

‍

A leads to B. B leads to C. C leads to D.

‍

You go to a festival.

You meet a person that you think will give you your big break.

It turns out to be bunk. Like most things.

But while pursuing it you accidentally meet someone who really does open a new door for you.

‍

A leads to B. B leads to C. C to D.

‍

There’s an inevitability to this line of thinking that I love.

‍

I don’t believe that things just happen and I don’t believe in coincidence.

‍

But I do believe in cause and affect amplified over time & space.

‍

Just the simple act of showing up anywhere sets a whole universe of possibilities into motion. But showing up a to a festival - a gathering of like minds - shared interests - now that’s just a hotbed for opportunity.

‍

Who knows who you’ll run into in the coffee line. Or in the elevator. Who knows who’s out there waiting for you….

‍

See. Right now. The rest of the universe has stopped. We're all right here. We've time traveled from all our different lives to be here. To make something.

‍

______________________________________________________________________________

‍

So let me ask a rhetorical question.

‍

If you could meet someone who could change your life for the better, would you rather leave it totally up to chance or would you prefer to meet them?

‍

Me? I’m well past the hoping and waiting phase of my career. I want to meet them. I want to take action. I own my cause & effect.

‍

Slide people you like

‍

So here’s what I do for any trade show or event. And I’ve made a great living out of going to shows like this. I’ve been all over the world and these techniques are universal regardless of location or culture.

‍

I DO MY PRE-SHOW HOMEWORK

I FULLY SHOW UP

AND I FOLLOW-UP

‍

Let’s dig into each one of these.

‍

21:52 (+5)

‍

I’ve learned over time that if I’m going to take on the energy and expense of going to a show, then I’m going to get the most out of it. So I follow all these steps pretty religiously.

‍

And please - don’t feel like you need to take notes. All of these tips are already available online at my site NOBODYLIKESNETWORKING.COM. Just subscribe to the newsletter and you’ll get copies of everything we’re coving today.

‍

OK. Here’s what doing My Pre-Show Homework Looks like.

‍

I research the event and look up who will be there — I look up speakers and vendors.

I scan to see if I recognize anyone who’s speaking or exhibiting. If I do, then I reach out and say hello and that I look forward to catching up in person at the show.

‍

But I don’t just stop there. I add their names to my LIST OF PEOPLE TO SEE AT THE SHOW. And then I refer back to that list. A lot. To make sure that we ACTUALLY meet and don’t just talk about it.

‍

Shows get busy. People get busy. So I Make the effort to make it happen — I Fit in times with coffee. Breakfast. Dinner. Drinks. Whatever it takes.

‍

But I don’t stop there. I make notes about interesting people who caught my eye that I don’t know but whom I’d like to meet. I think about why I’d like to meet them and make notes about what I’d like to accomplish with their help. Then I reach out, say that I’ll be at the event and that I appreciate their work and that I’ll stop over to say hello and to introduce myself in person.

‍

And finally — I think about who I know in the general area and then I reach out to them too and mention that I’ll be at so & so event and ask if they’ll be there too? I invite them to come down. Or mention that we should get together after the show.

Before I head home, I’m heading off to Baton Rouge to visit colleagues at PreSonus. I’m finally going to get to take a tour of their new facilities and to see their recording set up. This opportunity didn’t just happen.. Cause & Effect amplified over time and space.
What will come from my visit down there? Who knows? Probably nothing. That part of the equation I can’t control. But I can guarantee that we will laugh and we will eat and we will all trade good stories and have a good time. That part I can control.

‍

OK. So what do you do when no one writes you back? When no one responds?

‍

You get over it. No one has time for you.

People are busy.

So don’t take it personally.

Don’t bring your baggage to this. Don’t make up stories.

It’s all the same things we talked about. You made the effort. You showed up.

And next time, write shorter emails when reaching out! 3 short sentences is already too long!

‍

(24.45 +5)

OK. Once I have all my notes and have a good understanding of who will be there, I spend a lot of time making a mental plan of what a successful show outcome looks like for me. I form an intent and I work towards that.

‍

----------

‍

To me - this is like making a puzzle. If I had a 500 piece jigsaw puzzle and I took it out of its box and put all the pieces in a brown paper bag and gave it to you — with nothing — sure - you could muddle and slog through it putting it together slowly.

‍

But it’s a lot easier to finish the puzzle when you have the picture on the box. The picture gives you a clue as to how all the pieces fit together.

‍

AND THAT’S WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT.

‍

That’s the essence of networking - of knowing how all the pieces fit together.

‍

Most of your life — you’re just dealing with your own little puzzle piece — the one that’s right in front of you. But with more experience, you start to see how the little pieces fit together and form small sections of the landscape. Over time, you start to fill in the outlines and then the details.

‍

Starting anything new means you’re in the dark in uncharted waters. You need to step back and orient yourself. Get your compass headings.

‍

Knowing where you are is not going to change where you are. But it gives you the vantage point to figure out where you want to head off to next.

‍

Meeting new people helps you build your map.

‍

Slide on people like to do business

‍

Your map helps you learn how to navigate.

‍

And how well you navigate determines just how busy or how successful you’ll be.

‍

Let’s stay on this for a moment. How many of you read your trade publications? Even the obscure ones? YOU HAVE TO READ THOSE. I stay up to date with ProSound News. Mix. ProSound Europe. Music, Inc. The Music & Sound Retailer. Worship AVL & Pro AVL Asia.

‍

I take the time to read those because each new issue is a puzzle piece box. The trades help show who’s who and who’s related to who. They add little bits to my map.

‍

And granted. I’m admittedly on the far end of the spectrum of this but I treat my time reading each issue just like I do when doing my Pre-Show homework. Whenever I see announcements about old friends or casual acquaintances, I make a point to reach out and congratulate them. It’s a big deal to get your name in print. It’s an even bigger deal when someone acknowledges it.

‍

Reading the trades is a great tool.

‍

Reading the trades is also a boring Friday night.

‍

Which leads me to this point. All of this takes a lot of time. It’s work.

‍

OK. It’s not as hard as digging ditches but it doesn’t just miraculously happen either. You have to put in the time and the effort. No one else can do it for you.

‍

There are no shortcuts. It’s called NET WORKING for a reason.

‍

This is not to be confused with NET DRINKING — which is much less structured!

‍

(27:45 +5)

‍

Speaking of structure - let’s move on to the EVENT ITSELF

--------------------------------

‍

The good news is, it’s only Wednesday. And this show’s just starting. That gives you all plenty of time to take these tips and to make them your own. I can’t wait to see these all in practice throughout the week

‍

Here’s how to show up to any event

‍

Show up with a smile || It matters.
Say Hello to new people and make them feel comfortable and at home
Speak genuinely and authentically
Start each new relationship as if you’re already good friends. Be polite but skip the formalities. Just jump right into the good stuff.
Dress appropriately. First impressions matter.
Don’t be negative or spread negativity. Leave your bummer stories and your bummer self at home
Be interesting. Be interested. — That means genuinely listen.
Be grateful to be where you are.
Do not ask someone that you just met what they do.
Do not tell someone you just met what you do.
Be a great conversationalist — I’ll get back to this one.
Be classy and have impeccable manners. Manners go a long way when everything else fails. This will be easy for everyone here from the south — I left this one in for the out of towners
Keep a notebook and a pencil in your pocket. Jot down notes after each conversation. Make a point of writing down your commitments. Here’s what I mean by a commitment.
1. A commitment is any explicit or implicit promise that you made to yourself or to someone else.
2. If you’re talking and getting on and you mentioned in conversation that you have a great jambalaya recipe and your talking partner showed interest, make a note to send them your recipe when you follow up.
3. If they mentioned that they had a great song for you, write that down so you can politely remind them of their commitments to you when you follow up.
4. If while you’re talking you realize that you can help and be of service because you know someone who offers exactly what they’re looking for, then make a note to introduce everyone. That leads to a win-win-win situation.
And lastly — get a card and offer yours upon leaving.
1. But please realize this is not a game of collecting cards.
  1. Having someone’s card doesn’t make you friends.
  2. Having someone’s card does not mean you can call them and ask for something.
  3. A card is simply an efficient means of transmitting contact data.
  4. Do not grab a card when someone tells you what they do and your only intent is for them to help you.
  5. I used to be friendly with the manager for that pop band, The Killers. We’ve since lost touch but we came up around the same time. And I’ll never forget the first night we hung out. This made quite an impression.
    1. He asked me for a stack of my business cards. Which he placed in his front right pocket.
    2. Throughout the night, the minute anyone found out what he did for work, they instantly did 2 things. They asked for free stuff. And they wanted to send him their CD’s.
    3. His response was always the same. Sure. Call me. And he’d reach into his pocket and give them my card.
    4. I got calls for months afterwards.
    5. This was his favorite joke. He did it in every city all over the world. The great card shuffle. He’d pop his head in a nail salon or whatever was convenient, and stock up on cards for the night.

‍

He thought this was hilarious - but it was really his way of dealing with everyone trying to use him.

‍

31:41 (+5)

‍

The only reason that you exchange cards is so that you can FOLLOW UP.

‍

So let’s talk about that.

‍

Following up is TIME SENSITIVE.

‍

I mean — WHO were those people who called me a month later thinking I was the Killer’s manager? What were they thinking? Who let’s that amount of time lapse? You jump on opportunity when it’s fresh and hot.

‍

Ideally, you follow up the same day. That’s a PRO move right there. I’m up in my hotel room every night after the complete events of the day logging my notes and moving forward my commitments.

‍

If there’s just too much going on or if I’m completely exhausted — or if I can’t effectively manage the full workload - then I’ll cherry pick the most important bits and organize the rest for the first available moment. If it’s an out of town event, I wrap this up on my flight home. You should see me balance everything on that little airline tray table. It’s like crazy card Jenga.

‍

But why am I fanatical about this? Why does it matter?

‍

Well. It turns out that it matters for a lot of reasons.

‍

First of all. No one ever follows up. So if you want to make an impression, do it and stand out.

Secondly, no one ever keeps their commitments. So if you really want to make an impression, don’t just follow up. Do what you said you were going to do. Make good on your word.

‍

See. Talk is talk. That’s the easy part.

But the follow up. That’s the work.

‍

When you follow up, you are telegraphing that you respect yourself and the other person.

‍

You respect the time that was spent.

‍

And you close the loop.

‍

You set the stage for what comes next

‍

OK. What’s a follow up look like?

It depends on the amount of commitments made.

‍

But let’s start with the basics. This template will work for just about everything. Modify it according to your specific needs.

‍

The first thing that you need to do is you need to file the contact.
1. If you just met a new person for the first time, add their name, number and email into your contacts. You also want to note where they work and associate them with their company. And it’s ideal if you cross reference them with the event so you have an origin of where you first met.
2. You can do all of this in Google Contacts, Apple Contacts or Outlook. These tools are good enough for storing contact information.
  1. I don’t want to spend more time on contact management systems — but this is my all time favorite subject. Once you get me started on this you’ve got to gong me to get me off the stage. But I am happy to talk more about this anytime you see me in the hallway or at dinner. Just know that I believe that investing a good contact management software system is the single best investment in yourself that you can ever make.
3. If it wasn’t the first time you met, then their info should already be in your system. If it’s not, this is a good time to get it up to speed.

‍

The second thing you need to do is to shoot them an email. Keep it light and simple. Let them know you enjoyed the time you spent yaking and that you’re looking forward to crossing paths again.
1. If you made any commitments, this is a good time and place to wrap those up. Add those to your email.
2. Refer back to your notes to make sure you’re doing everything you said you would.
3. If you’re going to make an introduction, mention that you’ll be making the introduction in a separate email. And then do it.

‍

And finally. The last thing that you need to do is build in a trigger or reminder to follow up with them at a vaguely distant future date. Just set a reminder on your calendar. Pick any date. And just check in again and ask how things are doing. Just say hi.
1. You’re creating an excuse to move the relationship forward.

‍

See — Contacts aren’t relationships. Contacts aren’t friendships. They’re just possibilities. They’re like little flower buds. They have the potential to blossom into something amazing. But left untended, nothing’s going to happen.

‍

Doing your Pre-Show Work. Showing Up. And following up. That’s not networking.

That’s just gathering contacts.

‍

Networking happens when you turn contacts into friendships.

‍

And you know how to do that? It’s the easiest thing.

‍

You stop thinking selfishly.

You let go of the idea that networking is about someone helping you or changing your life.

You realize that networking is about what you bring to the equation and what you offer to others.

‍

It’s about what you give. Not what you take.

‍

And if you have no status or job or company that you work for — you still have the world to offer. You still have your time and your interests and your friendship.

‍

And that’s way more than enough.

‍

The reason that you show up. The reason that you follow up. Is so that other people can put you on their map.

‍

So that other people can ask you for help when they need it.

‍

That’s a much nicer way to think about it, no?

‍

Doesn’t feel so phoney or fake or contrived, now does it?

‍

So with that in mind, I’m going to assign some homework for the week. Just a bit ago, a random stranger told you about a problem they were having.

‍

How can you help?

DO you know anyone who can be of assistance?

‍

Think about how you can show up for them and be there in any way that makes sense.

‍

And for all you overachievers out there. Please feel free to adopt this same attitude with one or 2 more new friends that you meet this week.

‍

(36:06 +5)

‍

OK. Last bit. I promised to go over tips on how to be a better conversationalist with strangers.

‍

Not long ago, we had a famous YouTuber in our office to do some voice overs for us. When he left, my co-worker asked me how is it that I can strike up a conversation so easily with anyone I meet.

‍

I lit up! I instantly thanked her for noticing and told her that it’s a hard earned skill that I’d been practicing for the last 15 years. Of course it doesn’t come naturally and that it’s taken a lot of work. And that I really appreciate her recognizing it.

‍

After trying all kinds of things, I finally figured out how to keep it simple and authentic.

‍

Basically, I only talk about things that I’m genuinely interested in — things that I’m already really passionate about. Things that I already know and care about.

‍

See. I’m an old dog and I ain’t learning any new tricks. I am who I am and I like what I like.

‍

I spend time pursuing my interests and hobbies outside of work. And I focus on the things that make me uniquely me.

‍

And then I look for overlap. I figure out where we share interests and I double down then. That way, we both get something from the conversation. Rather than faking it or pretending to be interested.

‍

Look. I’m a plant nerd at heart. I love being outside. I don’t own a car and I can’t talk about engines. But I can talk about orchids and succulents. Or art history. Or music from Mali.

‍

I can just be me. And the more authentically me that I get to be over time, the more I’m able to make genuine connections that lead to real friendships.

‍

And I think that’s a pretty nice way to wrap up this talk about Networking.

‍

Thank you all for coming down to the festival.

Thank you all for your time this afternoon.

‍

I made some flyers that have some nice resources on them. Please feel free to grab one on your way out.

‍

In the meantime, we’ve got about 10 minutes left so

Let’s open this up for questions.

‍

Thank you!

‍

My name is plapa.

‍

END OF TRANSCRIPT

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