AES Networking Workshop Series Session 1

TRANSCRIPT

Thank you to AES for hosting these sessions and for making it possible for us to get together. A special thank you to Frank Wells, Colleen Harper, and Brad for turning this idea into a reality — and to their teams who did all the heavy lifting behind the scenes.

Alright. Let's get right into it.

I'm going to call on each of you so you can publicly introduce yourself to the group. Tell us a quick story about who you are. Tell us why you're here and what you want to get out of these sessions.

Who wants to start?

pause

Nah. Just kidding.

I wanted to elicit that awful queasy feeling in your stomachs. I think I saw a few Zoom squares go blank.

Jumping up in front of a group of strangers is not networking. No one ever wants to be put on the spot. There is nothing natural about it. We are not wired that way. Maybe if you are a psychopath, or unless you have had intense training — and even then the nerves never fully go away. You are just well practiced and well rehearsed.

But telling people a vanilla story about yourself while simultaneously telling them what you want from them? Not recommended. Not here. Not at an event. Not in a one-on-one situation. And certainly not at your next dinner party.

Here is the truth. As awkward as it is for you, it is worse for me. I did not sign up to listen to manicured introductions. And you did not pay good money to hear strangers sharing. Besides — how are you supposed to get what you want when everyone else is talking?

Two minutes in and we have already exposed the dual truths of why nobody likes networking.

You do not want to make self-conscious go-nowhere small talk. And I do not want to hear it. It is uncomfortable for both of us. It is not easy to be the person initiating the conversation — but it is just as rough being on the receiving end. Neither position is a winning hand. Just two different ways to lose.

Which is why we all avoid it. Why we do not initiate. Why we avoid engaging at all costs. And this is the root cause of why we all think we are so bad at networking. But I will get to that later.

Networking is a team sport. And we usually play to the lowest common denominator. So we would rather just not do it. Unless we are forced to. In which case we do it poorly, without really trying.

This holds true universally. It does not matter if you are at an online event or at a cocktail party. If you keep showing up with the same lame dance routine of bad networking tactics, you are creating an awkward situation for yourself and for everyone you corner.

I was on a plane flying to New Orleans to deliver my first keynote on authentic and effective networking. I was nervous. I had recently left the comfort and safety of working for Logitech to focus on helping others learn the skills that had allowed me to find happiness and success — and I was about to give a talk on failure. On how the only thing you can actually control in your career is your ability to keep showing up in spite of repeated setbacks.

I was going over my notes, reviewing my script, rehearsing my delivery, when the guy next to me starts reading over my shoulder. The minute he had a chance to interrupt my flow, he blurted out: networking, huh. I'm a networker. I'm like a master networker. I do it for work. I'm the head networker in charge. Then he proceeded to try to sell me his vitamins or whatever MLM product he was peddling. He had me trapped.

No wonder people hate networking. Guys like that make it a dirty word.

Just saying it conjures up feelings of cheap car salesmen. And some of you are wondering right now if I am a cheap car salesman and are kicking yourselves for signing up. That makes perfect sense. Because almost everyone does it wrong. Networking deserves its bad reputation.

No one likes to feel used or tricked. No one likes feeling taken advantage of. The whole concept feels like speed dating. Or strip mining. Or any other form of resource extraction. What can you do for me.

This is why we never talk about it. Why we do not teach it. Why we do not value it as a skill. Who wants to get good at this? It is also why we make excuses: oh, I am an introvert. Or comparisons: you are just naturally good at it, I was born without that skill. Or my personal favorite — you can do it because you are in marketing and sales.

But networking is not marketing or selling. Even though it is constantly confused as such. Quick spoiler alert: this class has nothing to do with advanced sales and marketing techniques. If you accidentally signed up under the wrong pretenses, get in touch with me offline after the three sessions and I will get you whatever you thought you were signing up for.

More clarifications while we are here.

Networking is not self-promotion. It is not likes, subscribers, or follows on your socials. Social media is not networking. Managing your LinkedIn is not networking. Networking is not about attending mixers or networking events. It is not about collecting business cards. Or people. Or being fake or phony or schmoozy.

So if we take all of that out of the equation — what is left?

Relief.

We just removed everything people hate. All the scharminess. All the noise. All the garbage. And when you strip it away, all that remains is the simple plain truth.

Networking is about what you give.

It is how you show up for people. How you help. How you care — how you are there for those around you. How you deliver value. How you connect dots and build community. How you manifest and how you create.

Start thinking this way and all that awkwardness melts. This is what we are going to build in this class. The tool set that enables all of it.

Networking is a skill that can be learned. It is not an innate talent that only some people are born with. It is a step-by-step process that anyone can master. It takes practice. But it is a muscle that can be trained and flexed.

I have a simple system and I teach it to the naturally shy. To those who are not comfortable in random social situations. I prefer to work with engineers. Builders. The people behind the scenes. Not the sales and marketing extroverts.

There are rules to follow. And when you follow those rules, life gets a lot easier. Because networking is the single most important variable — one that you can control — that impacts your career and affects your happiness. And not to be hyperbolic, but it also adds joy. And meaning. And purpose.

We are in the middle of an epidemic of loneliness. Not the pandemic. Something deeper. We have more tools than ever to connect and yet we are more divided and separate than ever before. We crave contact and belonging. And yet we run from meaningful connections every chance we get.

A close friend of mine died recently. He was the worship pastor for a large megachurch. This Jew and his evangelical friend — talking about life and living and death and dying on his back porch during his last months. I asked him about his greatest strength, his legacy. Without hesitation he told me it was his ability to connect. To bring others together.

He told me about one of his last tribute concerts — how a stranger came up to thank him for the impact he had made on his life. My friend, untethered by the necessity of politeness and unable to place the relationship, thanked the stranger and asked how they knew each other.

The stranger simply smiled and explained that they had never actually met. But that he was so lonely he would attend the sermons every weekend. He would purposefully sit up front and on the aisle because as my friend took the stage — as he walked up — he would put his hands on the congregants' shoulders as an affectionate greeting. And that was the only time this stranger was ever touched by another human being.

Make no mistake. Loneliness is the driver of everything.

Enough with the self-help talk. I am much more comfortable up here on the shiny surface. But just know this hits much deeper than simply landing your next job. We can all use more friends in our lives. And we can all be better friends to those around us.

Talking about networking is really just an adult way of talking about making more friends. So let's get into it.

It is a simple five-step process.

Step 1: Say Yes. The next time someone invites you somewhere, say yes. The next time you get asked to do a small project with a new team, say yes. The next time you have an opportunity to meet someone new, say yes. If it feels like a stretch — if it is slightly outside your comfort zone — that is the telltale sign to say yes. The number of wild adventures I end up having, and how rich and full my life is, comes simply from saying yes to everything.

Step 2: Show Up. Saying yes is the easy part. Showing up is when that inner voice kicks in and asks what you think you are doing. That is when you tell yourself it was a dumb idea. When you realize you are about to walk into a room where you do not know anyone, where you do not belong, where you do not know what you are doing. And all those feelings are valid and real and they never go away. It is always easier to find a reason to get out of doing something than to show up. Showing up is the hardest part — and it sets everything else into motion.

Step 3: Suit Up. If you are going to show up, you have to really be there. Fully present. One hundred percent. Suit up to win. Do not be half-assing it waiting to bounce the minute you get the chance. Do not be the person playing on their phone. Do not be the negative bummer. Have fun and relax into it. You own this.

Want to know my trick? My strategy is spot-on simple. I always bring someone else with me. Actually I always bring a few extra people if I can. I will grab anyone to mix it up. If I am invited to a work function, I grab a teammate from a different department — or a different company entirely. If I am hosting a work dinner, I invite friends who have nothing to do with the meeting. People who are not even in the same line of business. This is my chance to make worlds collide. Plus it is more fun. Life is too short for boring work dinner functions. BYOP — Bring Your Own Party.

Step 4: Follow Up. This is my favorite. In every social interaction there is an exchange of ideas and commitments. Your job is to pay attention to the clues. What energetic exchanges were made? Then follow up on them. If you discovered a shared interest — a book, a recipe, travel advice, anything — follow up on it. Reach out and close the loop. If you mentioned a book you thought they would like, buy it and send it. If they recommended one to you, buy it and read it. Just follow up. Following up sets the stage for the relationship to build and it shows that you honor and respect commitments. Nobody ever follows up. Do it. Make a lasting impression.

Step 5: Move It Forward. Keep the momentum. Figure out a way you can help or be of service. Make introductions. Share articles on your mutual interests. Be cool and be open. Do not over-push it — you closed the loop so there is nothing hanging or pending, nothing you have to do. So the next time you run into each other it just builds from there. And if you brought a good mix of people along and everyone had fun, there will absolutely be a next time.

If you take just one piece of advice from this class, let it be this: keep saying yes. Like a mantra.

Opportunities are everywhere. There is no shortage of paths to success. The only thing stopping you is inaction and the failure to show up.

So with that, let me properly introduce myself.

I am Mike Dias and I have been in the pro audio space for nearly twenty years. I started off working for Ultimate Ears — one of the original in-ear monitoring companies — back when it was still a small family organization making sales from the back of a tour bus. Before most musicians even knew what in-ears were for. Before the iPod. Before true wireless earphones were ubiquitous.

I was in the right place at the right time, at the epicenter of the global headphone revolution. We were one of the first companies to sell professional audio gear to music lovers. My job was to merge two worlds — to be the bridge between pro audio and consumer electronics. Any given week I was backstage taking care of top-touring musicians and engineers by night while leading training sessions and demos at Apple and Best Buy by day.

My favorite moments were when the two worlds overlapped. I would bring top buyers to the shows and walk them over to side-stage and let them plug into the singer or guitarist's spare monitor pack before taking them to front of house to finish the set.

I was doing a lot more netdrinking than networking at the time. But I started noticing patterns. I would get glimpses into who was connected to who — and how things really worked.

And I realized that my everyday reality was someone else's impossible.

Because I was sticking my fingers into the world's biggest pop stars' ears and dealing with their earwax, I leveled the playing field and deflated all the airs. I bypassed all the gatekeepers. I was as direct as possible. What was normal for me was unfathomable for others. And I realized that making things happen is not about power or clout or money. It is simply about access. Access to the right people. To the decision makers.

I was opening doors for some of the most powerful and influential people in the world. I could do what the buyers from Apple could not. Not because they lacked the means or the money or the imagination. They simply did not know who to call. But more importantly, they did not know what to ask for. My daily world was foreign to them. Just as their daily lives were out of reach to me.

How are you leveraging your everyday reality?

The first lesson — and I believe it is the most critical:

Networking is a function of time.

While it feels like yesterday that every buyer in the world wanted access to the biggest touring acts, it was actually quite long ago. I do not keep in touch with everyone from those days — but the vast majority are still close family friends. And while we all thought we were hotshots at the time, twenty years of stacked successes later, this group of friends I stumbled into are some of the top names in the business. And if I had not known them back then — when we were all just coming up — I would never get access to them now. I would not even be able to get to their assistant's assistant. On paper we are talking about CEOs, top managers, company owners, the most sought-after engineers in the world. But to me these are just the same group who slept on my couch when we were all coming up.

You never know whose couch you are sleeping on.

Homework — Session 1:

For everyone around my general age, I want you to think about the group you came up with. Think about friends you have had for forty years. Then thirty. Then twenty. Then ten. Make columns and lists. Write this down on paper. Take stock of everyone you know — close friends, work colleagues, acquaintances, second and third tier peers, the people you recognize but may not know by name. Rank each relationship on a scale of one to five. One being next to nothing. Five being your inner circle.

I am not collecting these and I am not making you share them. But if you do not put real time into this exercise, you are going to struggle as we move forward. This forms the foundational basis of everything that comes next. Think of it as surveying your landscape. Taking stock of your relational inventory.

Once you are done, make a separate list of your most powerful and influential friends and family members. This is hard. It is a thought exercise. But it is a big part of understanding your everyday reality — and your everyday impossible.

It is just math. Probability and statistics. The people you meet when you are young, either in school or out cutting your teeth, rise. Some rise to great heights. Some burn out too quickly. But as a collective, if we combined our entire list — what a map we would have. A veritable who's who of the industry and beyond. We could make anything happen with that list.

For anyone still in school or just starting out — your lists will not be as long. So you have an extra assignment.

You are already on top of your game and ahead of the pack. You would not have signed up for this class if you were not. You are the kind of person who always goes the extra mile and pulls me aside after class asking how you can advance further and faster.

I know you. And I love it.

Your additional homework is to sit with the fact that there is nothing you can do to make it happen any faster.

Let me repeat that. Because I know your brain just said — yeah, he is talking to everyone else, not me.

There is nothing you can do to speed up your career beyond what you are already doing. You cannot network your way up faster. You cannot work any harder. You cannot time travel.

Your real assignment is to settle in for the long haul. To get comfortable with where you are and who you are. To give yourself permission to focus on the things you enjoy outside of work. The things that make you uniquely you. Especially the things that put you into contact with other people.

Take acting classes. Dance classes. Play more games. Join more clubs. Focus on your hobbies. The things you love to study and nerd out about.

I am not telling you to phone it in or give any less to your work. I am assuming you are already playing your A-game. But it is going to take longer than you think. So bide your time well. Fill it with the things and people that matter.

Sleep on more couches.

That is it for today. Let us open it up for questions.

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